First off, something I was pleasantly surprised by was Stars using mostly the correct terminology when talking about my transition, and Stars, I'll applaud you for that. I also appreciate you not misgendering me, nor sharing my birthname. Stars isn't one of those people who's blatantly, outwardly transphobic, but that doesn't mean she's not transphobic overall. She's said some incredibly nasty and problematic things, like a screenshot that will be referenced in a few paragraphs. And worse than saying them in the first place, she then tried to defend her actions by using more transphobic rhetoric. Once again, while she's not going to straight up say "I hate trans people!" she certainly knows classic transphobic rhetoric like the back of her hand.

Second, in the very beginning of the video, Stars mentions a screenshot of stamps from someone's DeviantArt page that were clearly homophobic in nature. She is correct when she said that those stamps do not belong to her. It was a legitimate mistake on someone else's part, and those stamps came from another user's page. I was looking at their page, and I posted a screenshot of it and what I'm guessing the person thought I was talking about it in reference to you. I have asked the person to remove the tweet with the false accusation, and I wanted to apologize for the miscommunication there. It was a legitimate mistake and the screenshot of the homophobic stamps were never on Stars' page.

Now that's out of the way, so let's get to the main event.

While it is completely true that we hadn't spoken in months, Stars was well aware of my new name and pronouns. She even said it in her video herself. But what isn't true is me allowing others to deadname me at my own expense. Keep in mind, at the time she made her video "praising me" (which by the way, wasn't praising me), I had only come out for around two months, and I was still trying to figure out how to correct my friends politely on my name and pronouns, especially since of my close friends at the time was not a native English speaker, and I didn't want to come off militant or rude. 

I did not allow people to deadname me though. It was one thing in for someone to make a mistake on what my name in a private Skype chat where I could easily correct them, but what my friends at the time would refer to me when I wasn't there was completely out of my control. And even still, those are still private chats. None of them did it on Utaforum, any published posts online: except for Stars when she made that video.

The video she published deadnamed me and misgendered me, and I could've lived with it if it wasn't connected to Vertigo, which was an alias I was still using at the time. I commented on the video, not only to comment pointing out where the video was wrong (remember, it was not praising me, and that's the fattest lie I've heard in years), and also adding something along the lines of 'By the way, my name is Jay and please use he/him for me'. I did not explode on her, I just commented on her video. In fact, she exploded on me. This screenshot below represents the PM she sent me on Utaforum after she deleted my comments on her video. The name blocked out in red is my birthname, which I'd prefer to not disclose.


I had not talked to Stars in some months, and I had not had any negative confrontation with her until this point. And if you can't tell, the line is transphobic as can be, and puts my name into question while deadnaming (using a trans person's birthname) me in a PM after me clearly asking her not to on YouTube.

I think the most ironic part of this whole situation is that she said I acted like a complete psychopath while this happened, yet I was calm, and she sent me this PM. What's even more ironic is how she reacts when someone says her birthname, even if it's not in reference to her. And since she didn't deadname me in her video, I'm not going to use her legal name here.

The following screenshots were from an Utaforum chatlog that happened even before this PM, showing how she reacted when someone mentioned her birthname (blocked out in red) in chat.


She deleted a message and fought with an admin because someone else said her birthname in reference to another person who happens to share the same name. But forget about that, I'm a psychopath for asking nicely!

She did the same to me as well: while I can't pinpoint a date and get screenshots, I greeted her in UF chat once saying "Hi _____" and she deleted my message, caps lock screaming at me that she had her name legally changed. I apologized, used her new name, and moved on. And just like she knew me first before I came out and as my birthname, I knew her first as her birthname as well. The difference is I correct myself immediately if I make a mistake and correct others politely, where she not only refused to use my preferred name for a period of time, but also freaks out on people when her old name is even mentioned.

And about her refusing to use my new name? You bet I have receipts for that too. On Twitter one day, she started going off on me and namedropped me and was talking about how horrible I was. I replied to one of her negative tweets about me saying "at least you used my name this time", and then the "I'M NOT TRANSPHOBIC!!!!!1!!1!" rants started. She claimed that she didn't feel comfortable using my name because "it's her dad's name", even though she'd magically never mentioned that to me in the past. She also used the defense "everyone else does it, why can't I?" even though the only people using my birthname were 3 people I didn't talk to anymore that I'd asked on various occasions to stop.

One of my friends at the time, who I've chosen to leave anonymous, messaged her after this asking to stay civil with her but cut ties, and this ended up being included in the conversation.